I love her dearly, but some times I think the only thing she likes less than herself is me.
So here it is, from a black sheep to his black swan. I can’t bring myself to write you anymore. It makes me feel too pathetic, but I’ve always been the type to leave nothing left unsaid. So here it is just in case you get lonely one night and remember where to find me.
I can’t even remember how long I’ve been writing you (annoying you?). Years, more than a couple, more than a few. A handful, maybe enough to fit in two? What can I say that I haven’t said before? But the thing is these feelings won’t change. They just keep pumping from my heart out my mouth. There is no valve for the words my chest spouts. So I have to write them down or I fear I’ll drown in myself.
I learned how your insecurities buzzed around in your head like angry wasp, how they could be so loud they would cloud your thoughts. So I always felt the need to try to make you feel beautiful. Hell, I know I let some of those wasp in, some of those stings are my fault. And I’m so very sorry. I’ve spent all this time trying to make up for my wrongs. You’re still the most beautful lil woman I ever did see, but now there is something more. You seem imbued with the confidence you lacked before. Do I still need to write you when you could just look in the mirror and get an answer more beautiful than anything my mouth could ever say? I hope you finally see yourself the same way I see you.
I can still remember the first time I saw you. Beauty is one thing, but how do I go about trying to explain magic? To be captivated by someone, to want to know everything that goes on in their head, to want to see the art that flows from their finger tips. I never could explain you. A witch, a siren, a vampire? Maybe none of those are true, but I know you are some kind of daughter of the Moon.
I never believed in anything I couldn’t see, untill I met you. I realized there was something more. Like the moon and sea I can’t look at you with out being swayed by your gravity. We are not what we seem, we are bundles of energy. We all burn different colors but I know I burn the brightest when I think of you. After all you’ve told me do you honestly think you set him ablaze? How could I be expected to settle for a consolation prize? To live my life with a 2nd best? This is why I fight. I LOVE YOU. Every inch of you, the parts I can see and the parts that I can only describe with mystical metaphors. To me you are magic, no that’s not right, you are magic period. An observer has nothing to do with it, you are not of this world and I can’t get enough of it.
You said I wasn’t serious about you. Could you still possibly believe that? I loved you long after you were gone, I never gave up. And now the hardest thing I can do is try to stop writing you. (how many times have I failed before?) If you do come across this one night, I hope it raises your spirits to know that you are wanted, you are wanted by someone more than anything in the world. That they howled at the moon every night for you.